Hopelessly in Love

Hopelessly in Love
Melchior: A sleazy Vendi grave robber
Lucien: A sleazier Vendi grave robber
Hopeless Leigh: Nymphomaniac vampire
Hetche: An attractive yet gloomy monk with serious religious convictions
Eston: A naïve parish priest
Mefisto: A greedy Vendi alchemist
Lord Ducart: a witless wealthy lord

A dark musical comedy in three acts
When a pair of sleazy Vendi grave robbers (Melchior and Lucien) set out to take whatever they can from the cemetery of a wealthy family, they get more than they bargained for. (“Ya Can’t Take It With Ya!”) The curse upon the family has kept troublemakers away from the cemetery for generations and rumors of riches and gold are too much for the Vendi to pass up. The attractive, cloistered monk (Hetche) tries to chase them off, demonstrating his deep religious convictions and shock that they would defile graves. (“Vile Vendi”) They outwit him, knifing him in the back, killing him and continue with their scheme. (“Murder Most Fun”)

They steal several unusual gems from inside the mausoleums in the cemetery. Eventually, they pry a black diamond from the inside of the mausoleum which they figure will fetch a hefty sum. But prying loose the gem has unintended consequences. (“Filthy Fuckin’ Rich”)

It results in the pair unleashing an unspeakable evil in the form of an undead nymphomaniac necrophiliac (‘Hopeless’ Leigh). (“Hopeless”)

Hopeless leads the pair of idiot Vendi on a romp through the town, first to the temple where she “loves” the charming but naïve parish priest (Eston), turns him into a vampire then “loves” him again. (“I’m in Love”) (“Just One Won’t Do”) Then to the money-grubbing Vendi alchemist (Mefisto) where she “loves” him, turns him into a vampire and “loves” him again. (“Bite Sized”) Finally, to the dim-witted Lord at his estate (Lord Ducart) where she “loves” him, turns him into a vampire and “loves” him again. (“I Like ‘em Dumb”) The grave robbers, quickly out of options and desperate to turn the tide of the growing vampire epidemic, decide to lure her back to the cemetery with the recently murdered and attractive Hetche. (“I Hope it Fits”)

The final graveyard scene has them pushing Hetche back into Hopeless’ crypt, sending her back in after him. They place the black diamond back upon the apex, seemingly trapping her. However, they come to find out far too late that it was not the gem that kept Hopeless in check, but instead the religious convictions and devotions of Hetche, now deceased. (“Grave Danger”)

The final curtain descends with the cemetery erupting with undead and the souls of the damned returning, ready to descend on Melchior and Lucien. Hopeless’ growing army of sexualized vampires run amok as the final number begins. (“I’m in Love Reprise”)

Hopelessly in Love

Tales of the Red Way Hasturmind